Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
