I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
