Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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