bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
