so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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