Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
