I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize