SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
