Your face is a jimmy john
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
