i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
