I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
