I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
