I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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