You're completely useless in the revolution.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
