I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
