Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
