Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
