Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
