I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
