Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
