So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
