I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
