take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
