i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
