we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize