I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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