I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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