So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
