So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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