Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
