4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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