We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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