Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
