i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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