You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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