i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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