So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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