apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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