I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
