He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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