Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
