If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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