If that was your dad, he is hot
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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