he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
