Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
