It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
