He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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