Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
