If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
