well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
