I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
