The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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