You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
