Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
