no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
