If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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