Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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