When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize