I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what day is it and did you see me today?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
