I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
