y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
