i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
