She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
