I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize