I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize